ko-no-yo:

I FOUND IT. You’ll have to put up with my fangirling again, sorry. You can hear most of the english, so that makes my job easier. (Doing this in class like a lame butt)

Host: On the third of May, a film premiers on screens all across the world, entitled “Avengers”. -applause- Superheroes, american, from the company Marvel, as you all know, assemble into a team whose goal is, believe it or not, rise against the evil in the world. -more applause- And today, my friends, we have as guests, on the second show “Vechernii Urgan” the actors who act in this film - let’s welcome them: Jeremy Renner! Tom Hiddleston! And Chris Hemsworth!

Aaah, so then, friends, welcome to Russia (are they getting simultaneous translation in their earpieces?? xD)

They all say thank you in English, Tom in russian (with barely an accent, if I may say.)

Score is one zero in Tom’s favor!

Chris says thank you with the most dead pan expression before looking for some validation.

…One one. (apparently Jeremy isn’t playing? xD) Friends, first question: since you’re in Russia, we know that in the film there is a character from Russia, it’s Natasha Romanova, the Black Widow. Which of you plays her?

By group consensus, it’s apparently Tom.

I can feel it.

Great, well tell us how it all started, you’re all from completely different films. Tom and Chris were part of one film, Jeremy was in another. How did you all get united into one team?

Tom explains. Loki you are not Black Widow stoppit.

Tom, judging by the way you’re answering, err, since you’re always answering, can I ask you to switch with Jeremy, I want him to answer, too.

They switch.

Let’s, right now see, we have a small clip from your film, after which we’ll be back. The Avengers.

-Old trailer-

I want to ask Chris, Chris, I know that your family is expecting a new member? Is it okay for you to be traveling so far away?

Chris just says yes. Slow translation is slow. Tom gets all happy face.

Tom.

Yessir.

Pay attention. -laughter- Tom. What super powers do you have? No, I’m serious, I know Tom is fluent in several languages.

Tom answers. Chris is dead panning thank you again.

In our country, it’s the same, who ever has the biggest hammer wins.

-Commercial break-

Friends, the actors from the Avengers are here with us today on “Vechernii Urgant”. You know, you can talk a lot about… You can talk a lot about who is stronger than whom, but we decided, you know, the movies, CGI, all that. It’s all an attempt to hide your own strength. And today we decided to check just how strong Tom, Jeremy and Chris really are and hold a contest using our real Strength-O-Meter, my friends!

Tom, these are different labels in russian that denote the different degrees of strength. These are old russian names… (Actually just slang terms for males, ranging in apparent strength/masculinity). Dohlyak, Slabak, Salyaga, those were the names of the first oprichniks. Chainik, Krendel, Detina are (I actually have no idea, it’s all lies anyway). Krepish is the nickname of Alexander II, Bugai, Ambal, Monst’r, Gromilla, King Kong are the Deputies of the State Duma, that’s all.

Tom looks disbelievingly on.

Tom, if you miss, you’ll see what’s under the floor of this studio.

Detina. (Google gives me “fellow” also, “husky”, “big fellow”, “guy”, “strapper”.

Not bad, not bad!

Jeremy’s turn. Chris is clearly getting his ready on.

Uh, Jeremy. Now, you’re also going to be part of the new Bourne series and I would like applause from all the fan for that. But how strong you are with the hammer I would like you to show us, now! Jeremy Renner, let’s give him a round!

Dohlyak. Weakling. From the word dead. xD Aww.

And finally… And finally. freeze for a minute, freeze, freeze Here he is, Thor!

Bugai. Bull, according to google. Also a bird.

So, then, friends, the are still Jewish bogatyrs (Russian knights) in the Russian land! I explained,  yesterday was our first show, and I pulled my back, can I call someone from my team? Like the operator? Misha? Can you come over here?

Jesus are those even real?? Chris is all I can take him.

I’d like you to meet Misha. In your film you have the Black Widow, right. So Natasha Romanov’s husband is actually alive: Introducing, the Black Widower, Mikhail Romanov! I… For the first time in my life I feel the need to touch a man’s chest, right now.

Krepish. Strong young man. Chris wins! Looks like he’s demoing his technique to the other two.

Friends, in our small, untraditional contest, Chris Hemsworth emerges the winner!

Commercial break again.

Friends, thank you so much for coming here.

Chris, thank you in not appropriate in that situation.

I would like to say that May 3rd, Avengers will premier around the world, and I recommend that everyone should watch it because in this film you will meet this lovely trio! ( I was expecting him to point to Tom like, this lovely lady here, Black Widow, whoops). Let’s give our guests a hand! Now I would like to point out that, though the Avengers is coming out in 2012, in Russia, a film about Avengers…. (He means Neulovimye mstiteli (1967)) came out long ago in the 60s. And now, I will ask you all to leave the studio like the avengers do it in our country. -hands out hats-

Ladies and gentlemen, the Avengers must go to continue defending the world!

Dramatic Exit! Oh dear russian pop culture.

Ladies and gentlemen, today our guests! Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth!

Can I marry Colin Morgan’s cheek bones??

I’ll find you.

*SOB*

Tom Hiddleston in skinny jeans appreciation post

That moment when Aragorn’s self-esteem is brought down by a hobbit.

#dear diary #today I overheard the hobbits calling me ugly and foul-feeling #blew my diet eating a pound of lembas moistened with my tears #what is the point of any of it if I’m still ugly and foul-feeling #like growing up with a shitload of elves didn’t give me enough issues #no consideration #none whatsoever #I hope those little fucks drown on the way to Mordor

cumberqueen:

reset-chaos:

loooove this man!!!!! <3